São João

So this week we were able to experience the lovely traditional celebration of São João.  I'm still not quite sure what it is, but from my understanding there was a guy named São João and he knew a lot about the Bible.  So therefore, everyone dressed up like Hispanic cowboys, danced, listened to Forró (which is like Brazilian folk music and they like to make Forró versions of popular songs like "Umbrella" by Rhianna), make terrible food out of corn and peanuts, and blow up things in the streets.  The church put on a São João party and let me tell you, church parties down here aren't like church parties in the states - they are PARTIES.  Everyone was dancing, singing, eating the abominable São João food, and all in all having a splendid time.  With São João though the streets are a bit more dangerous.  Not because we'll get robbed or anything like that, but because of all of the fireworks.

Fireworks down here aren't like they are back in the states.  In the states they shoot colorful sparks and everyone says "Ooohhh pretty!" Here they're more like bombs and shoot fire and rain death upon the people.  It's so scary.  And the bombs here aren't like the cute little M80's back home either.  They resemble more of what you see in footage of Afghanistan and the next Michael Bay movie.  They have these kind of fireworks called "busca pés", which translates to "feet searcher."  You always hear stories down here about missionaries walking around and kids see them and yell, "Oi! Mormons!!!" and then throw busca pés at them.  I swear you walk outside and everything is exploding, people are blasting music, and lighting fires in the streets.

Brazil man...

So to answer your questions mom:

1.  I chose the São Paulo futebol team because they're the "Tricampeão do mundo" (Champion of the world).  They're a really good team, pretty solid, and a pretty safe bet.  You have to choose a Brazilian futebol club down here so no your favorite team England's Manchester United wouldn't play out too well.  You generally don't want to choose a team from Sergipe or Alagoas because they're terrible.  There are about four or five teams based in São Paulo and they're generally better teams so everyone usually picks one of them.

2.  I do in fact know Elder Jensen.  He is my Zone Leader and he's a pretty funny guy.

3.  The ocean is a pretty far distance away from where I am and the ocean in Sergipe isn't generally an ocean you want to brag about.  The best one is up in Maceió and man is it beautiful.

4.  It generally isn't too weird giving advice to older people about not drinking and getting married.  They usually don't act too prideful about it and they know that they should get married and stop drinking.  They just don't do what we tell them to do.  It's a lot weirder when you have to tell two 14 year olds that they have to get married and can't live together.

5.  Ha ha - thanks for the update on Kim Kardashian and Kane West's new baby.  I was dying to know what they were going to name it.

6.  I'll be sure to send more pictures of my area before I eventually leave.

We got transfer calls last night and Elder Godoy is being sent up into Alagoas and I'm staying here in Siqueira Campos for the 4th transfer, which should be fun.  I'll be getting a new companion tomorrow so more on that next episode.


So a few really awesome things this week.

We talked to some of our recent converts and it's amazing to hear how much this gospel has changed them.  Marcio was talking to us and said how his life has changed for the better and how he can't wait to buy a brand new wheelchair for his dad so he can take him to church.  We also talked with Maria José and she's way excited to go up to Recife and do baptisms for the dead for her son that died. She also said how much her life has bettered and what a blessing tithing is in her life.

We also had lunch with a member yesterday and what she said really touched me.  She had a son who served a mission down in Curitiba and when he came back he died saving a kid from drowning in a river.  She is always one of our favorite lunches and always makes amazing deserts for us.  We were talking about how we were always excited to eat with her and she said something along the lines of, "I always try to do my best when the missionaries come over for lunch.  I know what I have isn't a lot, but I always love to try.  I know how I felt when my son served a mission and I know how I would have wanted the members to treat him so I always try to do my best for the missionaries."  She then told us about how much this work means to her and how much it has blessed her life.  She gave the closing prayer and she started to cry while thanking Heavenly Father for the opportunity her son had to serve a mission and for  the blessing the missionaries are in her life.  I sometimes forget about how much this work means and what a difference it makes in peoples lives.  Because most of the time we always get answers like, "I'm already baptized" or "Read the Bible and stop believing in this crap" and "Would you defend the Indians!?"  But every now and then there are people like Marcio, Maria José, and the member we had lunch with who's lives have been so blessed by this work and that's what makes it all worth it.

Anyways, that's about it for this week.  Love you all!!!  And have a great week!!!

Abraços,

Elder Johnson

Life in Brazil

I hope you all had a wonderful "Dia dos Namorados!!" (Day of the Boyfriends) this week.  I sure know it was a hoot down here.

Last week for Pday we celebrated Elder Godoy's 23rd birthday!!!  We had some cake and had a wonderful time!!!

Feliz Aniversário Elder Godoy!!!

Our candles  #MissionaryStyle

Last week I had to give a talk in church.  I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't a tad bit nervous.  My Portuguese still isn't 100% and they told me I had to give one about 30 minutes before I went to bed so that was cool.  Anyways, I gave it on charity and everyone said I did well, but I just think they were trying to be nice.

So yes mom, I know I've gotten pretty skinny, and no I'm not starving myself.  I in fact eat a lot of bread and I'm trying to eat a lot.  This is just what Brazil does to you.  Sister Gonzaga would agree with you.  She saw me the other day and asked me if the members aren't feeding us.  They in fact are and she too told me to eat more.

Transfers are coming up this next week and we should be getting the call this Sunday.  I think they're going to send me up into Sin City (Maceió) this next transfer.

Also, more clarification about "Snakes" (aka girls hunting men).  They don't necessarily want you to marry them and take them back to the states.  They want...other things.  They go after the Brazilians too not just Americans.  My companion described it to me as, "There are three fantasies for women here:  1. Gangsters  2. Firefighters   3. Mormon Missionaries."  So we have to be careful so we don't let anything endanger our mission and our salvation at the same time.  As I always say, "A picture a day keeps the snakes away."

So there is one thing down here that can bring the work to a halt, that can divide companions, divides the mission, and makes everything a lot more difficult than it really needs to be.

Futebol...

Down here, it is a very serious sport and you have to have a team.  Everybody asks you who your team is and you have to pick carefully.  I have chosen to align myself with São Paulo Futebol Club, and it has caused quite a stir.  The missionaries are always debating about teams, and tournaments, and what not; and it's not just the Brazilians, but the Americans get into it too.  It makes things a lot more lively down here and it gives you something to connect with the members and investigators.  I also believe there is something in the water that just makes you love Futebol.  You just get really into it down here and think it's the best thing in the world.

My brand new SPFC notebook.

Saturday was a really weird day.

We started off by going contacting and I was about to knock on this door when Elder Godoy stopped me and told me to got to the next house.  This house had a bunch a weird writing on it and also had a bunch of crazy statues and idol things in there.  He later told me it was Macumba, which is kind of like voodoo/black magic down here and they don't like Christians at all.  There's one area in the mission where you can't go down a certain road after dark because it's just filled with Macumba.  I was able to write down later what the writing on the house said and it feels really weird to read.  Like really weird.

Later that day we were walking down the road and this dirty man and his friend came up to us and asked us if we wanted to buy some hair clippers.  He said it was brand new, he showed us it, and it was very nice, which means it was obviously stolen and he was trying to fence it.  We politely told him no and got out of there and we ended up in a kind of sketchy part of town where there is usually a lot of drugs on the weekend.  A member then pulled up out of nowhere and offered us a ride to our next appointment.  Later we were walking down the road trying to find a potential's house, which according to our address did not exist.  We were about to turn back when the potential pulled up in his car and we were able to set something up with him.

So something that was also pretty sad happened yesterday.  A few weeks back we were teaching this man and his family and they were progressing really well.  He told us his story about how he used to live on the street and how through God he was able to turn his life around.  He was accepting the gospel very well and we were trying to get him and his wife married.  He then started acting weirder and we noticed that he started drinking quite a bit.  We came back a few days later and discovered that he had gotten drunk, beat his wife, and was then in prison.  We tried to console his wife and make things better.  We passed by a few days later and no one was home.  We kept trying and trying but no luck, so unfortunately, we had to cut them.  Then yesterday we were walking to church when Elder Godoy walks down the wrong street.  I follow him and we find this guy and his family living on the street again.  We talked to him and he just wasn't all that there and just had no more desire for the church.  He asked us for money, but we can't give money to beggars because they'll just spend it on drugs or they might be faking it.  I just remember seeing him, his wife, and his three little kids sitting under this metal awning thing and I felt so bad for them.  I couldn't stop thinking about this guy all day and wondering if there was anything I could do for him.  In the end all we missionaries can do is invited people to change their life, everyone has their agency here and they can do what they will with it.  I just feel so bad for him, his wife, and his three kids.  They don't deserve to live like that.

So I think I'll end this letter on a lighter note.  We were knocking doors the other day when this dog ran up and tried to bite me.  I was about to end the creature, with fire and brimstone, when his owner came up and the following conversation ensued:

US:    Hey!  Is everything going well?
MAN:    No!  Everything is not well because you're at my door!!!
US:    Oh, we're sorry.
MAN:    No you're not!!!  You just want to bring me to the United States!!!
US:    No we're missionaries for the church.
MAN:    Yeah in America!!!
GODOY:    Um... I'm Brazilian.
MAN:    Yeah and you're working for them!!!
US:    All right, have a good day.
MAN:    WOULD YOU DEFEND THE INDIANS!!!!!!!!
US:    The what?
MAN:    You heard me, the Indians!!!!  WOULD YOU DEFEND THE INDIANS!!!!!!!??????
US:    All right, see ya.


Love ya and have a great week!!!  Abraços,

Elder Johnson

So before any of you go JUDGING ME, you've got to understand it's a bit different down here.  There is no
 controversy whether Coke  is against the Word of Wisdom or if it's not.  Of course it's not!!!  Where does it
say in the Doctrine & Covenants you can't drink Coke.  The Word of Wisdom pamphlet also makes it very
clear that it's only: tobacco, alcohol, illegal drugs, coffee, and black tea (I'm not sure if that's what you call
 it in English, that's just what it's called in Portuguese).  So there you go.

Brazil man...

This is the baptism of Vivaldo this past week.  The YM's President baptized him (he knows English and is hilarious!)
 We should hopefully have another baptism this upcoming week.  (Comment from his Mom: Look how thin Tanner is!!)

I'd like to start off by saying that children's TV down here is down right horrifying!!  Whenever we go over to a member's house for lunch they're always watching it and it's hard to look away.  They really like clowns down here.  They have a show called "Patati Patatá", which is about these two clowns and it's pretty scary and all of the kids here love it.  I thought that was the end of the childhood trauma, but I was sorely mistaken when the other day they had Bozo The Clown.  He in fact looked nothing like Bozo The Clown and appeared more like a serial killer with terrible clown make up.  He was assisted by his oddly shaped friend, Cigarette Steve!  He sounded like an 80-year-old lady who has smoked since she was 12.

Brazil man...

And on another exciting note I almost saw a woman die the other day.  We were at the bus station (the bus is always an adventure down here) and usually whenever a bus arrives everybody storms it and fights to get on.  This lady got too excited and ran out into the road and smacked right into the side of the still moving bus.  There was lots of screaming joined with my companion saying "doideira!" (madness!)

So in actual news this week is that there really isn't a whole lot of news.  I was sick for about three days and I couldn't do a whole lot.  I started to feel sick last Pday and was feeling pain in my abs (Too many sit ups.  Am I right?  #Winning)  I told Elder Godoy and he said that I might have Dengue.  I found that to be rather unfortunate so I called Sister Gonzaga and she had me take some medicine and go visit the hospital.  You don't go to a doctor's office here like in the states.  You go and see the doctor in the hospital.  So I went to the great and abominable hospital, who's founder is the devil and is the harlot of all the earth, and they said I had an "infecção" and lucky for me, not Dengue.  So they gave me about five pounds worth of pills to take (I only needed to take like two pills a day for about a week) and I had to rest for about a day.  Being sick on the mission is the worst.  You can't do anything and the days go by really slow.  I am feeling a lot better now and we had a baptism this Saturday, which was pretty awesome.

As I said I was sick this past week and so Elder Godoy went out and saw some of our investigators with Elder Hurst.
  Two of our investigators asked where I was and he told them I was sick.  They found out where we lived and dropped
 by and gave me this plant!!   Apparently I was suppose to make it into tea or something and it should've helped me
out. Elder Izqueirdo and Elder Godoy said they've never seen this plant like this and that I have  to let it dry
for a week or two before making it into tea or it might kill me.  BRAZIL!!!!!

So the people here always do the same thing whenever they meet me.  They usually assume I'm Brazilian until they either:

A.  Hear my gringo accent, or
B.  Look at my name tag and make a funny face while trying to pronounce my name.

They then look at me and say, "Você não tá Brasileiro?" (You're not Brazilian?)  I then respond no and then they ask me if I am any of the following:

American  (the most common answer)
Spanish
Italian
CHINESE
JAPANESE
and one time they asked me if I was American and if I spoke Chinese.

Brazil man...

Anyways, that's about it for the week.  I'm going to go ride the bus!

Abracaos (hugs),

Tanner

This is a reality here in Brazil.

Brazilian Hospitals Are Crazy

A selfie with Elder Munger for his birthday.

This week I taught John Lennon.  John Lennon is the son of one of our investigators and he has a pretty sick name.

Last Pday we went to the aquarium they have here with about half of our zone.  It was pretty cool.  I hung around Elder Munger (from the MTC) and we got to hold starfish and stuff so that was pretty cool.

STARFISH!!!!

Yes mom to answer your question I have lost weight.  Lots of sweating, walking, sweating, walking.  My calves are beautiful by the way and you don't need to send me new clothes.

So we went to the hospital this week (no, not for me) and that was probably the craziest thing I've seen here.  They don't have rooms for people here; they just have stretcher type beds everywhere.  There were about 100 people packing into the "trauma ward", which was about 60ftX60ft and it was crazy.  There were injured people everywhere and people who weren't doctors were helping them with medical care.  There were preachers walking around passing out advertisements for their churches.  The preachers would also "bless" people too, which consisted of them putting a hand on the head of the injured person and start shaking and rebuking said ailment.  There was vomit on the floor, lots of crying, and I felt like:

A.  A hoard of zombies were going to come barreling in and begin feasting.
B.  I just survived some natural disaster and FEMA had set up a hospital in a dirty school.
C.  That this would be so illegal back home.

My Brazilian companion Elder Godoy thought it was crazy too.  He told me it's not like this in southern Brazil and that they have rooms and legit healthcare down there.  This was by far the most shocking experience I've had while I've been here.  We did run into a member there.  We were just about to leave when a member grabbed us and told us to go talk to her husband.  Her husband was in a motorcycle crash and I didn't recognized him at first because of the wounds on his face.  We prayed with him and then afterward we talked with the bishop about having a ward fast.

So the JW's are stepping their game up and they've been running wild down here.  They talked to one of our investigators and gave her the book "What does the Bible really teach?"  She wasn't too happy with them.  She said they showed up and started condemning every one else's religion and didn't say a lot of nice things.  We had to set some doctrine straight with her and took the book to keep it from damaging our investigator.  When we were talking with her she told us they didn't act very missionary like and said, "They didn't pray!  What kind of missionary doesn't even pray?"

So that's about it for this week until next time!

- Tanner

Really?

I finally decorated my room with posters you sent me.

Behold the Maracajuá.

Behold the inside of the Maracujá.

Behold the juice I made out of the Maracujá.

So this is Acai Na Tigela.  It's a fruit called Acai mashed up and mixed with other fruits
 (it's the fruit in the middle) and it's globbing cold!!  This stuff gets you so amped though.
 Maracujá puts you to sleep, but this stuff gets you pumped.  You're ready to go baptize
 after you eat it.  You don't have to worry about eating it before bed either because
 it gives you energy to sleeping and you globbing sleep hard!!!!

Zone Conference

Zone Conference with the MTC boiz!  Elder Roper, Elder Munger, Elder Rutledge, and myself.

Sooo I guess dad told you we got robbed the other week.  It's all good and Elder Godoy and I are doing fine.  So here's the story.  We were walking down the road next to our church and he was talking on the cell phone with some of the other missionaries.  We were about to enter the church to get a drink and then two guys on a motorcycle pulled up.  The guy on the back flashed a gun and told Elder Godoy to give him the cell phone.  He gave them the phone and they went on their way.  I then cursed them and two she bears came out of the bushes and tore them.  There was much rejoicing.  The funniest thing was I knew what was happening the whole time, but when Elder Godoy gave them the phone for a split second I thought, "How did Elder Godoy get this man's phone?"  The really unfortunate part was that we have to call the zone leaders to get a new phone and that is very difficult to do without a unusable phone.  But it's cool and I'm over it.

On a brighter note, apparently peanut butter and jelly sandwiches don't make a lot of sense to Brazilians and they find the idea absolutely disgusting.

Oh and last week on our way back from Burger King (the only one in the entire state) our bus clipped a car and they had to flag down another bus for everyone.  So we basically had two packed busloads into one bus and it was a very sweaty and adventurous experience.

We finally have a hot shower!!!!  This has been awesome!!!  I haven't had a hot shower in weeks and the church came by and installed an electric heater for us.

So a cool experience - we got a referral to go check out a less active, but we had no idea where she lived.  We knew she lived somewhere close to the giant Catholic Church, but that was about it.  So we decided to knock on doors until we found her.  The cool thing was we only needed to knock on one door because we got her house on the first try!!   #HolyGhost4Life   So now we are trying to get her to come back to church and she is showing some desire so we'll see how that goes.

We went to a birthday party for one of our investigator's kids the other day.  The party really started when the Mormon missionaries showed up.  A lot of the people there had a good time trying to speak English to me and they all were laughing and having a great time.  Birthday parties are serious down here.  They said it was just going to be a little cake, but there were tons of people there with decorations, food, and drunken men telling me how much they respect our work.

So an apology is in order.  Sorry I didn't email yesterday, but we had to switch our Pday to Tuesday this week because we had a Zone Conference yesterday with everyone in Sergipe.  Apparently Sister Gonzaga thought it was my birthday, so she made me stand in the little circle of everyone who is having birthdays in the next upcoming months and they sang happy birthday to me and gave me candy.  I was dying of laughter and told her it wasn't my birthday.  She let me keep the candy though.  Oh, and after about 2 1/2 months I finally got to see Elder Rutledge!!!  We had a glorious reunion filled with tears, laughter, and a wonderful vocabulary, which consisted of words such as YOLO and other things that nobody else finds funny.  We got to catch up and share stories.  We spoke Portuguese to each other, but switched over to English because we were too happy.  He looked a little bit like he just served a tour in Afghanistan, but he's doing well.  It was GLORIOUS!!!!!!

Me and Elder Rutledge.  A very joyful reunion!

The work here is going extremely well.  They announced at Zone Conference that they will be making about four new wards in the next month.  The kingdom is growing!!  We haven't had a lot of luck these past weeks.  A lot of the investigators we find don't really have any desire to do much of anything, but I feel like that will soon change.

I. Hate. Snakes.  Snakes are what we call the girls around here who are hunting for missionaries.  They make me so uncomfortable, but I have recently acquired a photo that a friend sent me and I carry it with me everywhere I go.  When they ask me if I have a girlfriend I say yes and show them the picture.  They then get sad and no longer want to be baptized.  But seriously, like this week they have been everywhere and I can't escape them.  They are always saying uncomfortable things and giving me looks that is definitely what I don't need right now!

Anywho, I'm going to an aquarium so have a great week!

- Elder Johnsons Baby

Me and da boiz by our house.

Siqueira Campos

So this beauty is Fanta Maracujá (or as you Yanks know it, Passion Fruit) and let me tell you it's amazing!!
Maracujá is awesome, again you don't eat it, but you turn it into juice or soda.  The Fanta was really hard to find.
 I heard rumors about it so I went to search for it and found it after trying like five stores.  The think
with Maracujá though is that it is a very good sleep aid and it's very difficult to work
after a family has Maracujá juice after lunch.

So this watermelon, that I am obviously enjoying, was grown in our backyard.
Elder Godoy and I found it when it was just a meloncino and it has grown to quite the melon.

This is called a Nuni.  You make it into juice and if you don't add another fruit the taste will kill you.
 One of our investigators gave it to us and I am planning on juicing up this bad boy.

Transfer Week

So this week was transfers.  The four of us in Siqueira are staying another transfer and my companion was made district leader.  The night of transfers was rather interesting thought.  That night everyone who was being transferred in the state of Sergipe got to stay in our house!!!  So there were about 15 Elders in our really really tiny house until about two in the morning.  It was rather lots of fun and everyone was sharing stories, eating our food, laughing, telling jokes, and forbidding us who actually had to do stuff in the morning to sleep.

We also talked to a lot of people this week too.  We got about 15 people to commit to coming to church this week.  We were really excited and we went to pick them up for church in the morning and guess what?  No one came.  But, we did learn that one of our investigators is in prison and another one has problems with cigarettes when the day before she said she quit so that was pretty cool.  I bitterly wept all the way to church, but was greeted by our recent converts, which was awesome!!!  It always makes me happy to see our recent converts and to hear their testimonies.

One cool experience I had this week was we were teaching these two ladies about the restoration and they had a lot of questions about the Godhead.  They had previously met with Jehovah Witnesses and they had taught them all sorts of things.  They were confused as to who was who and how they all fit together.  I then had the opportunity to explain the Godhead to them and the roles each member has in our lives.  They then in unison gave a nice big "Ooohhh!" and they understood.  We then helped them recognize the spirit and how it testifies of truth and they were starting to understand everything. I felt really cool afterward because:  1. The spirit was very strong and they understood.  2.  I did it all in Portuguese!!!!!!!!  My language is starting to pick up very rapidly.  I feel like I can understand a majority of what everyone is saying and I can now express complex ideas.  The spirit definitely helped there and I'm amazed at what I can do through the help of the spirit.

I also got your package and it ruled!!!!  I've now hung up some of the posters you've sent me and I read the Ensign.  We get "The Liahona" down here, but it's not the same.  It doesn't have a lot of the stuff that's in the Ensign and it has a lot of the stuff from the Friend and the New Era.  The ties were awesome and Elder Godoy wants to send you a thank you letter.

I have to tell you a funny story.  Last Pday I was chattin with the boys outside our house and they asked me if I had a girlfriend.  I naturally told them I did.  My companion started to laugh because he knows I don't have one and he asked me to go grab a picture of her.  Luckily for me, one of the pictures you had sent me of my friends a while ago was a very convincing picture of Anna and me at Jordan's farewell that I could use.  I brought it out and showed it to them and they were very impresses with my "Girlfriend."

I was dying from internal laughter and then they flipped through my "Apostate Book"(that's what I call the little picture books that the missionaries have of pictures from back home) to a picture of my sister playing soccer.  They asked me, "Who is this girl?"  I replied, "That's my sister."  Then they said, "She plays soccer?"  I said, "Yeah."  They all gathered around and were taken aback by a girl playing soccer (girls don't really play soccer down here.)  They asked me how old she was and I told them almost 13 and so now there are about five 12-year-old Brazilian boys who have a crush on Brinley!!!  I found it to be an overall hysterical experience.

Anyways, thanks for the package it was really awesome and I loved everything you sent me!!!  Good luck with your preschool program mom and I bet your video is awesome!!!

Now to answer your questions.  When we use the computers on Pday it's mainly for email and talking to the mission president.  We can go onto LDS.org and Mormon.org and that's about it.  No reading mission blogs for Elder Johnson.  We can leave our area on Pday if we get permission from the zone leaders.  We have to stay in the zone, but you can do hikes and see sites if there are some in your zone. Today we are going to Centro for Elder Munger's birthday and going to eat some good old American BURGER KING.  (They also have picante ketchup down here; it's nice and hot.)

I'm glad you liked my scripture 2 Kings 2:23-24 from last week and have an awesome week.  I'm going to BURGER KING!!!!

- Tanner

*Tanner sent a separate email to his dad with this note:

So guess what dad.  Me and Elder Godoy were robbed this week.  These two guys on a motorcycle drove up, flashed a gun, and asked for our cell phone.  We gave them our crappy cell phone and then they left.  We are okay and it wasn't really that bad.  It was annoying, however, to try and contact our zone leaders without a cell phone.  I have not told mom and you can decide what to do with this information.

*Tanner's dad woke me up and told me that Tanner had been robbed last week and he was okay.  It freaked me out at first, but then I had a feeling of peace and didn't worry.  I don't know if Tanner was more scared to be robbed or to tell his mother he had been robbed.  We had heard before Tanner left on his mission that this happens frequently in Brazil and I have a feeling this won't be the last time.  I'm just glad he told his dad instead of not telling us.  Thank heaven the Lord blesses his missionaries and keeps them safe.*

Happy Mother's Day!

Well, it sure was great to hear from you the other day!  It was a lovely chat and I love your new screen saver! (I sent Tanner a picture of us Skyping and he could see that my screen saver was the picture of him and his companion.)

It wasn't that weird to be talking with you and everyone back home either.  It felt just like it was any other day at the Johnson home in the good old land of air conditioning.  There really isn't that much to report on this week.  Nothing too exciting happened, but yesterday we did get the transfer call and we are all staying in Siqueira for another transfer!  One of the elders is going to die here (this is his last transfer before he goes back home).  And so that's about all that's happened since the other day.

I did go on divisions twice this week though.  One time here in Siqueira with Elder Christensen and another time in Atalia with one of the zone leaders, Elder Roberto.

With Elder Christensen we taught a lot of people that day and we had a really awesome lesson with one of our investigators Laercio.  He was the man who came up to us on the street and told us to come to his house and teach him our message.  We taught him the plan of salvation, but it was more like he was teaching himself.  Whenever we would bring up a doctrine that would be kind of weird to other christian denominations (Spirit World, Degrees of Glory, etc.) he would confirm our doctrine  with bible references, so that was pretty cool.  We then ran into this one guy that Elder Godoy always seems to run into.  I can't remember his name, but he is a less active member and he always has some request from us that escalates every time we run into him.  It started off with him wanting fish and lettuce, which seemed like a reasonable request, to shampoo, to getting the bishop to perform a marriage for him, to 600 reais for college.  So we laid down the law with him and told him that if he wants blessings he's got to work for them and has to be obedient to the laws and not expect us to pay for his college.

Divisions with Elder Roberto went over pretty well.  He's from São Paulo and he speaks English very well.  He's very nice and funny and we had a good time up in Atalia.  I was a little disappointed though, they have monkeys up in that area and I didn't see one.  So naturally, there was much weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

Rain in Atalia.

Tried another fruit called Acerola.  It's another fruit you can't eat, but can be turned into juice.  It's really good and they look like little cherries.

Soooo...that's about it for this week.  Sorry I don't have a lot to talk about, but I will say to you Dad, you were right about how interesting people make the mission amazing!  Whether it be a drunken man wanting to know about my escapades with Brazilian women (which I have had none of Mom) or our awesome investigators/converts and their amazing stories and testimonies.  I truly am loving it down here and the work is going strong.  I will leave you with a scripture that helps me whenever I'm feeling down.

2 Kings 2:23-24

23  And he went up from thence unto Beth-el: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

24  And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord.  And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

(Once again my son's sense of humor comes shining through.)

Some interesting things we learned from Tanner during our Skype call.

1.  I asked where he gets his hair cut and he told us a crazy Brazilian down the street cuts his hair.  He uses a straight razor to shave the back of his neck, which terrifies him.

2.  He says he has to be on the alert for "snakes".  Snakes being Brazilian women who want him to take them back home with him to the US.  He tries to avoid eye contact at all costs.

3.  The Portuguese language comes from Latin and is one of the oldest speaking languages.  It is considered a Romance Language and has influences from Spanish, French, and Italian languages.  Because of those influences he can understand a little of those other languages.  Also, it is easier for a Portugese speaker to understand Spanish than for a Spanish speaker to understand Portuguese.

4.  His foot is finally all healed.  Yea!

5.  They have enough members to have wards and stakes.

6.  He bears his testimony a lot in sacrament meetings.

7.  He's only received one package that I have mailed to him (I've sent three).

8.  He doesn't really crave anything, expect reading material.  

This is my Brazilian missionary tan along with the required mosquito bites.

#ChurchGetsMeSoPumped

This is a terrible painting at this bakery near our house.  I thought it was funny.

So, this week will probably be kind of long so sorry if it's boring and what not.

The world decided to play the music I use to listen to everywhere!!  So that was frustrating.  I'd be walking down the road and somebody would be playing a song from a band I use to love and that makes things frustrating and fills me with boiling rage.

Speaking of rage, we have this one investigator, she is kind of older.  We were talking with her one day and we asked her who she'd like to give the prayer.  She said she'd like my companion to give the prayer because she could actually understand him and that it was hard for her to understand me.  REALLY LADY?  I'm so sorry to inconvenience you with my gringo Portuguese!!  I'm sorry it's so hard to not understand what I'm saying.  Needless to say, I was not too happy with her and in all honesty it is probably a stupid reason to be mad.  I put down the folding chair I was about to throw out of rage and continued on with the lesson.

On a brighter side, I saw a guy walking his lizard the other day.  He had a leash and everything and was walking down the road like it wasn't weird or anything.

We also had a rat in the house this week.  Whenever we have rats we don't get traps, everyone goes into battle mode and starts chasing it around the house until someone either stomps on it or beats it to death.  We killed the rat and fed it to whatever lives in our backyard.

People also name their cats weird things down here.  In the US you name cats like Fluffy, Cotton, or Angel of Death, you know something cute.  Here they give their cats legit people names like Tiago (James in Portuguese) or Fransisco, or João.

I went on divisions with another Elder in our district this week.  I went up to his area in Eduardo Gomes and it went well.  We talked about American things and drank Chimarrão.  Chimarrão is this tea stuff from the south of Brazil and they take this plant, mash it up, and you drink it with hot water out of this bong like thing called a Cuia.  And no it's not weed.  It tastes really earthy and it's kind of addicting.

Chimarrão

Here's kind of a religious background of Brazil.  The main church is the Catholic church and about 50% of everyone here is Catholic or they say their Catholic and don't go to church ever.  They also have churches called Evangelica, which is every Protestant denomination and every other random preacher here.  They usually hold meetings in house type things and there is usually a lot of shouting.  There is also Espirita churches, which means they worship spirits and they're crazy!  They have these guys called prophets and you can go and talk with them and they can talk of your dead grandma or something like that.  The weird thing is, is that they could tell you everything about your dead grandma perfectly and they go in knowing nothing about you.  It makes you wonder who is telling them things.

So this week church was awesome.  We had a lot of investigators there and a less active!  #ChurchGetsMeSoPumped  And some of the investigators that came were people we thought would never come so that was pretty neat.  We also got a letter from our other recent convert, Maria José, and she shared her testimony with us which was awesome!  I kind of had my doubts with her and didn't know if she was converted to the gospel or to us, but that letter got rid of any doubts.  We also had another baptism this week for Maria Rita, who is our new recent convert.  She's a daughter of this family we visit and I had the opportunity of performing it!  I also love giving priesthood blessings.  There was this one lady we went to see and she was pretty sick so we gave her a blessing.  I love giving them because I feel amazing and I swear I actually feel physically different.  So this week was amazing and the spirit was so strong.  The church is true and I can't wait to talk to you Sunday!!!

- Tanner

This is inside the yard of the slaughter house.  I found this pile of dirt to stand on
and took a picture.  There are always kids or garbage men standing on this pile of
dirt looking inside, apparently they think it's weird too.