For The Glory Of My Future Spouse

So this letter is probably going to be more of a rant than my usual format, so sorry.  It is in no way a negative rant, just a rant in general.

Last P Day we went into the Center District of the city, which is like the financial heart of Aracaju.  They had all sorts of goodies there and there were tons of people.  They even had a Jesus statue like the one in Rio, but it was only about 15 feet high.  It still was cool.  I was able to pick up some knick knacks while I was there and they had a lot of stuff I want to buy before I come home from my mission.

The Center.

The Center is also really close to the ocean, which is cool.

This is a statue they had of a Caju fruit.  Cashew fruit, I bet you didn't know cashew wasn't just a nut it's also a fruit!  Aracaju gets its name from Ararás, which are a type of parrot and Caju, which are native to the land.  Ara+Caju=Aracaju.

They also had a Subway sandwich shop in the Center!!  It was awesome and definitely picture worthy.

I have bought myself a São Paulo Futebol Club shirt and it has since polarized my relationship with some of the other Elders in the zone.   #SPFC4LYFE   I also took some money out of my bank account mom because the American dollar went up in value so I decided to make my move and jump on it while I could.

Paulo Broz

I went on a division with the zone leaders again and it was pretty awesome.  Their area is the more touristy part of town so it's a pretty cool area.  He was able to show me how to work more with the spirit and I really felt a difference in the work as we strived to listen to the spirit more instead of just going.

One thing about my area is that it's filled with crazy people and drunks and for some reason they think we want to talk with them.  Generally you can see them coming down the road and think, "Oh man I really hope they don't talk to me."  Usually they do end up talking to you and it's just a big waste of time.  I know it sounds harsh, but it's like the same thing with giving money to the beggars around, you're just wasting time and money.  With the crazies you could tell them to come to church or something, but they won't.  They just want to say something stupid to you and then waste your time while you're late for your next appointment.  With the beggars they're either faking it or your money would just be spent on drugs so that's pretty dumb.  There have been many who have told us that we're a cult or say something else dumb so we usually run away from them.

There's this road that runs next to the local church that we usually take home.  The other Elders said they saw someone get robbed on it the other day and it was also the same road me and Elder Godoy were robbed on.  The day before we had another crazy person tell us we were a cult so we were kind of on Death Con 1 going home.  We were going home one day when we heard this voice calling for us and Elder Oliveira said we should walk faster so we started gong a bit faster.  This voice from the dark was still calling for us so we walked even faster.  The voice then called out, "Elder Oliveira!"  Elder Oliveira said to me, "Elder Run! The thief know us!!!"  A few moments later a very tired and very out of breath member caught up with us and we walked merrily home without ire!

We've been having issues with our power as of late.  The power in our house, only our house, decided it was too cool to work so we've been without lights, hot water, a fridge, and fans for a few days so that's made everything fun.  The church sent Mr. Helpful (some guy who does maintenance for the church) to come and help us.  We found out a way we could turn the lights back on by flipping the breaker, but the breaker has since decided to stop working also.  He did it and all the lights turned on, but it wasn't a permanent solution, only temporary.  We told him everything would go out again, but he seem convinced that it would stick this time.  Low and behold the lights went out permanently once he left so he should be back to finish it permanently today.  It's very hard to do weekly planning with only flashlights as lights and thank you for the mosquito repellent mom, it helps a lot.

The other day it was raining, a lot, and we had one last investigator to talk to before we could go home.  Only I had an umbrella, but it was obsolete with the manner of heavy rain we were getting and wouldn't protect me and Oliveira.  We decided that we had to see this man so we ran out into the heavy downpour and the roads, which in reality were rivers.  We arrived at his house with a speed that would've made my high school gym teacher proud, but he decided he wanted to sleep so we had to return home.  We were left standing under this awning.  We then looked at each other and yelled, "Pela gloria de minha futura esposa!!!" ("For the glory of my future spouse!!!") and we ran out into the rain and all the way back home.  Was it amazing?  Yes.  Was it cold and wet?  Of course.  Was there an adrenaline rush?  You bet.  Have I been a little sick since then?  Sadly yes.  Was it worth it?  Com certeza!!!  (Sure!!!)

Abraços,

Elder Johnson

A meal we made.  One of the members gave us a full chicken, like head flopping and everything chicken.  So we asked
 one of the neighbors to properly cut it up for us and we made it into this lovely meal.  Bem gostoso!!  (Pretty tasty!!)

This is called Tapioca.  They make it out of this powder they make from a strange potato and you fry it like a crepe!
You can then add all sorts of goodness on top such as sweetened condensed milk, bananas, coconut, or whatever you want.

Macumba and Me

So yesterday at night me and Elder Oliveira returned to our house after a days work to find one of the other Elders waiting for us.  He then whispered four beautiful words, "We Have Peanut Butter."  It has come to pass that the local Bompreço (it's a Walmart owned chain down here so they sell Great Value brand stuff) has started importing peanut butter!!!  I don't know, down here you always hear from missionaries about how they don't sell peanut butter and stuff, but it was never too much of a problem for me.  I mean, peanut butter is good, just not that good.  I was proven sorely mistaken as I consumed said peanut butter and tears streamed down my face.  It just made me smile because of how American it tasted.

PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!!

So on the way back from one of our meetings the following adventure ensued.

Oliveira and I were taking the bus back home and the driver decided to kick everyone off at the top of the hill for no apparent reason.  We had to go find another bus and take it back to Siqueira, so we found one, hoped on, and it kicked us off in Nossa Senhora Doc Socorro, which is the next city over.  It's like if our house is in Riverton it dropped us off in Magna, like in the middle of nowhere Saltair Magna.  The bus driver just decided he didn't want to drive around anymore so he just got off and left us in the middle of nowhere.  Luckily another driver flagged down another bus, which took us back to the church where we had our meeting, #facepalm, and then took us back home two hours later.  Ya.

So around here they like to drive around cars with huge speakers on the top that are about the size of said car and blast advertisements, which can be heard a good three miles away.  These cars of the devil have since doubled in the past few weeks for some local election of something and it has become quite annoying.  We've started to memorize the little jingles they play and it is really hard to study in the morning with these monstrosities driving around.

We've recently learned that the road we live on is inhabited by a bunch of people who practice Macumba, which is like Voodoo.  We noticed that one of the houses was newly painted and had a painting of some weird blonde African warrior and the phrase Ilé Axé on the front.  Elder Oliveira then pointed out a big community of them that live down the road, which I thought was like some kind of African center thing.  I asked him how he knew and he said if a house has paintings of black people on them, that it's probably Macumba.  One of the Macumbistas talked to us the other day and inquired about our religion.  We generally try to stay clear of Macumba because they generally don't like us too much and for other reasons.  He turned out to be a really cool guy and we shared a pamphlet with him, but we'll probably rededicate the house just to be safe.  A lot of the missionaries have some pretty crazy stories about Macumba.

So I think I'll end this note with something that one of our investigators said to us the other day.  We found her one day while looking for a less active who supposedly lived in her house.  She told us that he moved away so we started to talk about the church with her.  She started to cry about how her husband just left her and how hard its been for her lately.  She told us we could come back the following week so we went on our way to our next activity.  We talked to her the other day about The Restoration the following week.  I just finished talking about Joseph Smith when I asked her how she felt.  She sat there in silence for a minute and some tears started to stream down her face.  Then she said, "The other day when you two passed by here, why didn't you knock on any of the other houses?"  We said something to the effect of, "This was the only house we needed to stop by."  She replied, "I find it very interesting that you'd only knock on my door and then continue on.  I think God is trying to reach out and tell me that He still loves me."

- Elder Johnson

District Two

So that orange thing is called CuzCuz.  They make it out of this corn flake like substance and
you usually eat it with like eggs or meat.  You've got to cook it in this crazy pot thing.

Me and Oliveira

182 Days in Babylon

Well I have marked my first six months as a missionary of the Lord and let me tell you it's been an amazing experience so far.  I definitely feel like I am not the same person who I was six months ago, but I feel I've changed for the better.  These past few months have been the best months of my life!  I love doing this work and seeing the blessings this gospel can bring to people.  I have had the opportunity to witness so many miracles happen these past few months, from seeing the blessings of the priesthood in action, learning a second language, and best of all seeing people come unto Christ and knowing that this gospel has made all the difference in the world.  I have also changed a bit physically as well!  Elder Munger likes to describe me as "just getting out of a concentration camp," which I feel is a bit much.  I have indeed lost a bit of weight and I have had to make a few holes in my belt, but it's all good.  It's all this walking/sweating I've been doing the past few months that has really made me lose a bit of weight, but don't worry mom, I do eat and I do not starve myself. :)  My thighs scared me the other day...  I was sitting at the table eating dinner when I rested my hand upon my leg and didn't feel, what appeared to be my leg, but the leg of another who has rather firm leg muscles.  I got over the initial shock, but it still weirds me out from time to time to think that I have any actual real muscle now.

So rain here is pretty crazy.  It's like somebody flips the switch and a hurricane magically appears out of nowhere and rains death, in the form of huge heavy rain drops upon the people.  It will then stop in less than a second, which is absolutely remarkable.  I have yet to learn how the rain can do that.

So for your information mom, I just got your package.  It filled me with joy and I loved the Ensigns you put in it.  I've hung up some of the pictures and quotes you gave me and I no longer require basketball shorts.  I think I have enough to give to every Brazilian companion I will ever have.  Those candy root beer barrels are LEGIT!!!  The first time I've tasted the flavor of root beer down here and I luv it.

Oh and also mom, this is how the mission is divided:

There are two states in my mission, Alagoas and Sergipe.

The city of Maceió is located in Alagoas, which is the poorest and most violent state in Brazil.  Apparently it's also very disorganized so it makes referrals difficult, but it has the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen.

The city of Aracaju is located in Sergipe (both Maceió and Aracaju are the capitals of their respective states.)  The cities are divided into Barrios or neighborhoods.  They also have what they call "The Interior," which is any other settlement in the state that isn't in the capitol.

Aracaju Brazil

By the way, I love that guitar hymns album you got me for Christmas.  It's my favorite thing to listen to!

So a cool experience - Elder Oliveira and I were walking down the road when this girl came up to us and asked us where our church was.  She told us that she was from the Interior and that she just barely moved here and didn't know where the local LDS church was. She said she was just talking about it with her friend when she saw us walking down the street and we were able to point her in the right direction.  She might come to church Sunday, IDK, I thought I might've seen her but I wasn't sure.

Speaking of church, the Relief Society brought in the Elders to talk about how their moms prepared them for missions.  When it was my turn to talk I talked about how I once read a study that the most influential factor that helped young men prepare to serve missions is the fact that their moms were active in the church.  I can bare my testimony that this is very true and the example you set for me really did help me serve a mission.  I will admit that I did get a bit choked up in front of the entire Relief Society, so yeah.....

We also had the opportunity to have Elder Moroni Torgan, a member of the Seventy, come and visit all the missionaries in Sergipe the other day (that meant I got to chill with Elder Rutledge!) and he taught us a lot about working through revelation and working with the spirit, so that was pretty cool.

Mission Tour for Elder Torgan in Aracaju
(Can you find Elder Johnson - clue: third row)

Elder Rutledge and I at the Mission Tour with Elder Moroni Torgan.

We also celebrated the 4th of July in our house (3/4 American) so we made hamburgers and drank Coke.  #Murica.  The hamburgers were okay, we had to work with what we had, and it's hard to grill hamburgers American style down here.

#Murica

Oh and I also killed a mouse the other day.  The other Elders wouldn't do it so I had to go in there and send that little creature to the abyss (by the abyss I mean the trash can).

Elder Johnson, Mouse Slayer.

Well that's about it for this week.  Love you all and hope everything is going well back home.

- Elder Johnson


P.S.  Oh and have fun in Disneyland without me...

Mmmmmmmm... Maracujá

Transfer IV: A New Hope

So for your information mom, transfers work like this...

Sunday night we get the call from the District Leader who will say either:  you stay in your area, you go to Maceió, or you are being transferred but staying in Sergipe.  On Tuesday we had the actual transfers and everyone who is staying in Sergipe comes to spend the night in Siqueira because that's where the bus to Maceió leaves from.  The bus leaves at about 2:00 a.m. and then they're on their merry way up to Maceió.  We then wait for the transfer meeting down here and everyone in Sergipe goes to the chapel and we listen to the meeting via cell phone.  We then wait for our new companions until the bus arrives.

So when I met my new companion, Elder Oliveira, it was a beautiful experience.  I asked around for him and when I finally found him (he's about a foot taller than me) he picked me up and gave me this huge hug.  It was at that moment I knew that this transfer was going to rule.  Elder Oliveira is from São Paulo, he likes Michael Jackson, Charlie Chaplin movies, and is probably one of the nicest guys I've ever met.

My new companion Elder Oliveira making pastéis.

Our lunch today.  Maracujá and pastéis.

We also received two new Elders in our house, Elder Katich and Elder Coon.  Elder Katich is from Fresno and did a year at the U of U before he came out on his mission.  He has very good taste in music and is our new District Leader.  Elder Coon is from Draper and he was transferred from the infamous Arapiraca area.  Arapiraca only has water for about three days and then it leaves for the next 10 days.  Missionaries who pass through Arapiraca are like old war buddies.  They say things like "Hey, I wouldn't be doing this for you if it wasn't for the time we spent in Arapiraca together!

So far this transfer has been awesome.  We were finally able to do a deep clean of the house and reorganize everything, which has been awesome.  We also have "Family Dinners" when we come back home at night now, which I've enjoyed quite a bit.

One other cool thing that happened at transfers was I had another reunion with Elder Rutledge!  I was just about to leave the chapel when I look around the corner and I see him!  There was a ward activity there at the same time and a lot of the members gave us strange looks as we embraced.  Earlier that day I was talking to some of the Elders that serve up where he is serving and the conversation went a little like this:

ELDER 1:  "Hey, is that Elder Johnson?  The one that was friends with Elder Rutledge before his mission?"

ELDER 2:  "Yeah, that's him."

ELDER 3:  "Hey Elder Johnson!!!!  We had to rededicate our house because of you!!"

ME:  "Uhhhhh...what did I do?"

ELDER 2:  "Those scary stories you told Elder Rutledge scared us so bad that we started seeing things!!"

I then remembered that I told Elder Rutledge about some of the stories of ghosts and demons and the like I had heard from members of our ward back home and from a family member and I died of laughter!!!  I then confronted Elder Rutledge about it and he busted up laughing.  He told me they were really so scared.  All in all it was a beautiful reunion.

So Brazil won the Confederation Cup yesterday!!!!  We were sitting in our house planning and we could tell that Brazil made a goal because there would be lots of screaming followed by the sound of what appeared to be Nazi Germany bombing London.  Everyone would start throwing fireworks and it sounded like we were being invaded.   #BrazillianPride

Speaking of bombs - the festivities have yet to end.  This last week was São Pedro (again, nobody knows who this guy was, bot they still celebrate him anyway).  We has to turn in a bit early the past few nights, not because I'm a lazy missionary, but because it literally got too dangerous for us to be on the roads with all of the Busca Pés in our house!!!  We were talking outside with a recent convert and then I heard from behind me, "Oh, I think I'll throw it at the Mormons."  The next thing I heard was Busca Pés exploding next to my ear and I lost part of my hearing for the next few seconds.  Things were blowing up in the roads and people were making fires next to their house for no other reason than to make a fire!!  Some of the kids at night started throwing Busca Pés in our house!!!!  Which, in truth, wasn't actually in our "house house" more like the little gated area we have before you enter the main house.  So me and Elder Oliveira, trying to sleep, got up and left the house with complete intention on cursing those wicked children with some good ole fashioned she-bear action!!  They ran away before we could rain fire and brimstone down upon them, but I still wasn't too happy about the whole situation.

Oh, a quick note for anyone who has written me a letter, I'm sorry if it appears like I haven't written you back.  I generally follow the "you write me a letter I will definitely respond" kind of rule, but the Brazilian postal has proven to be a rather big pain and may have stolen your letter or the letter I wrote to you.  Oh! and mom, I have gotten the express envelope with my friend's mission blog updates.  I got it like two weeks ago and this past week I got the huge envelope full of shorts and stain cleaning supplies (you mailed it on April 16).  I also got the mosquito net package about two months ago.

So a cool experience, last week when the other Elders were saying goodbye to their converts we visited one.  They shared their testimony and this man started to cry.  I really wasn't expecting it because he's a bigger, tougher guy, but he said something after that really touched me.  "I've told you guys a couple of times already, but I know that Heavenly Father sent two angels to my house to give me this gospel that changed my life."  Like that touched me rather a lot and I've thought about it a lot since then and its experiences like that that make missions amazing.

I will leave you with another conversation I had with some guy who could speak English last night.

MAN:  Hey, American!

ME:  Yeah?

MAN:  You don't need to be scared.

ME:  Uh...I'm not scared (but that comment sure scared me).

MAN:  You are.  I can see your face.

ME:  Uh...

MAN:  I... Can see your face... (that comment really scared me).

ME:  Okay.

MAN:  I lived in the states for about five years and it made me rich and now I live back down here.  Tell me your story.

ME:  My what?

MAN:  Your story.

ME:  My story... Well, I lived in Utah for about 19 years and now I'm down here serving a mission.

MAN:  I like the states.

ME:  I like Brazil!

MAN:  You hate it here.

ME:  ....

MAN:  ....


- Elder Johnson

The cool prison next to our house.

São João

So this week we were able to experience the lovely traditional celebration of São João.  I'm still not quite sure what it is, but from my understanding there was a guy named São João and he knew a lot about the Bible.  So therefore, everyone dressed up like Hispanic cowboys, danced, listened to Forró (which is like Brazilian folk music and they like to make Forró versions of popular songs like "Umbrella" by Rhianna), make terrible food out of corn and peanuts, and blow up things in the streets.  The church put on a São João party and let me tell you, church parties down here aren't like church parties in the states - they are PARTIES.  Everyone was dancing, singing, eating the abominable São João food, and all in all having a splendid time.  With São João though the streets are a bit more dangerous.  Not because we'll get robbed or anything like that, but because of all of the fireworks.

Fireworks down here aren't like they are back in the states.  In the states they shoot colorful sparks and everyone says "Ooohhh pretty!" Here they're more like bombs and shoot fire and rain death upon the people.  It's so scary.  And the bombs here aren't like the cute little M80's back home either.  They resemble more of what you see in footage of Afghanistan and the next Michael Bay movie.  They have these kind of fireworks called "busca pés", which translates to "feet searcher."  You always hear stories down here about missionaries walking around and kids see them and yell, "Oi! Mormons!!!" and then throw busca pés at them.  I swear you walk outside and everything is exploding, people are blasting music, and lighting fires in the streets.

Brazil man...

So to answer your questions mom:

1.  I chose the São Paulo futebol team because they're the "Tricampeão do mundo" (Champion of the world).  They're a really good team, pretty solid, and a pretty safe bet.  You have to choose a Brazilian futebol club down here so no your favorite team England's Manchester United wouldn't play out too well.  You generally don't want to choose a team from Sergipe or Alagoas because they're terrible.  There are about four or five teams based in São Paulo and they're generally better teams so everyone usually picks one of them.

2.  I do in fact know Elder Jensen.  He is my Zone Leader and he's a pretty funny guy.

3.  The ocean is a pretty far distance away from where I am and the ocean in Sergipe isn't generally an ocean you want to brag about.  The best one is up in Maceió and man is it beautiful.

4.  It generally isn't too weird giving advice to older people about not drinking and getting married.  They usually don't act too prideful about it and they know that they should get married and stop drinking.  They just don't do what we tell them to do.  It's a lot weirder when you have to tell two 14 year olds that they have to get married and can't live together.

5.  Ha ha - thanks for the update on Kim Kardashian and Kane West's new baby.  I was dying to know what they were going to name it.

6.  I'll be sure to send more pictures of my area before I eventually leave.

We got transfer calls last night and Elder Godoy is being sent up into Alagoas and I'm staying here in Siqueira Campos for the 4th transfer, which should be fun.  I'll be getting a new companion tomorrow so more on that next episode.


So a few really awesome things this week.

We talked to some of our recent converts and it's amazing to hear how much this gospel has changed them.  Marcio was talking to us and said how his life has changed for the better and how he can't wait to buy a brand new wheelchair for his dad so he can take him to church.  We also talked with Maria José and she's way excited to go up to Recife and do baptisms for the dead for her son that died. She also said how much her life has bettered and what a blessing tithing is in her life.

We also had lunch with a member yesterday and what she said really touched me.  She had a son who served a mission down in Curitiba and when he came back he died saving a kid from drowning in a river.  She is always one of our favorite lunches and always makes amazing deserts for us.  We were talking about how we were always excited to eat with her and she said something along the lines of, "I always try to do my best when the missionaries come over for lunch.  I know what I have isn't a lot, but I always love to try.  I know how I felt when my son served a mission and I know how I would have wanted the members to treat him so I always try to do my best for the missionaries."  She then told us about how much this work means to her and how much it has blessed her life.  She gave the closing prayer and she started to cry while thanking Heavenly Father for the opportunity her son had to serve a mission and for  the blessing the missionaries are in her life.  I sometimes forget about how much this work means and what a difference it makes in peoples lives.  Because most of the time we always get answers like, "I'm already baptized" or "Read the Bible and stop believing in this crap" and "Would you defend the Indians!?"  But every now and then there are people like Marcio, Maria José, and the member we had lunch with who's lives have been so blessed by this work and that's what makes it all worth it.

Anyways, that's about it for this week.  Love you all!!!  And have a great week!!!

Abraços,

Elder Johnson

Life in Brazil

I hope you all had a wonderful "Dia dos Namorados!!" (Day of the Boyfriends) this week.  I sure know it was a hoot down here.

Last week for Pday we celebrated Elder Godoy's 23rd birthday!!!  We had some cake and had a wonderful time!!!

Feliz Aniversário Elder Godoy!!!

Our candles  #MissionaryStyle

Last week I had to give a talk in church.  I'm not going to lie and say I wasn't a tad bit nervous.  My Portuguese still isn't 100% and they told me I had to give one about 30 minutes before I went to bed so that was cool.  Anyways, I gave it on charity and everyone said I did well, but I just think they were trying to be nice.

So yes mom, I know I've gotten pretty skinny, and no I'm not starving myself.  I in fact eat a lot of bread and I'm trying to eat a lot.  This is just what Brazil does to you.  Sister Gonzaga would agree with you.  She saw me the other day and asked me if the members aren't feeding us.  They in fact are and she too told me to eat more.

Transfers are coming up this next week and we should be getting the call this Sunday.  I think they're going to send me up into Sin City (Maceió) this next transfer.

Also, more clarification about "Snakes" (aka girls hunting men).  They don't necessarily want you to marry them and take them back to the states.  They want...other things.  They go after the Brazilians too not just Americans.  My companion described it to me as, "There are three fantasies for women here:  1. Gangsters  2. Firefighters   3. Mormon Missionaries."  So we have to be careful so we don't let anything endanger our mission and our salvation at the same time.  As I always say, "A picture a day keeps the snakes away."

So there is one thing down here that can bring the work to a halt, that can divide companions, divides the mission, and makes everything a lot more difficult than it really needs to be.

Futebol...

Down here, it is a very serious sport and you have to have a team.  Everybody asks you who your team is and you have to pick carefully.  I have chosen to align myself with São Paulo Futebol Club, and it has caused quite a stir.  The missionaries are always debating about teams, and tournaments, and what not; and it's not just the Brazilians, but the Americans get into it too.  It makes things a lot more lively down here and it gives you something to connect with the members and investigators.  I also believe there is something in the water that just makes you love Futebol.  You just get really into it down here and think it's the best thing in the world.

My brand new SPFC notebook.

Saturday was a really weird day.

We started off by going contacting and I was about to knock on this door when Elder Godoy stopped me and told me to got to the next house.  This house had a bunch a weird writing on it and also had a bunch of crazy statues and idol things in there.  He later told me it was Macumba, which is kind of like voodoo/black magic down here and they don't like Christians at all.  There's one area in the mission where you can't go down a certain road after dark because it's just filled with Macumba.  I was able to write down later what the writing on the house said and it feels really weird to read.  Like really weird.

Later that day we were walking down the road and this dirty man and his friend came up to us and asked us if we wanted to buy some hair clippers.  He said it was brand new, he showed us it, and it was very nice, which means it was obviously stolen and he was trying to fence it.  We politely told him no and got out of there and we ended up in a kind of sketchy part of town where there is usually a lot of drugs on the weekend.  A member then pulled up out of nowhere and offered us a ride to our next appointment.  Later we were walking down the road trying to find a potential's house, which according to our address did not exist.  We were about to turn back when the potential pulled up in his car and we were able to set something up with him.

So something that was also pretty sad happened yesterday.  A few weeks back we were teaching this man and his family and they were progressing really well.  He told us his story about how he used to live on the street and how through God he was able to turn his life around.  He was accepting the gospel very well and we were trying to get him and his wife married.  He then started acting weirder and we noticed that he started drinking quite a bit.  We came back a few days later and discovered that he had gotten drunk, beat his wife, and was then in prison.  We tried to console his wife and make things better.  We passed by a few days later and no one was home.  We kept trying and trying but no luck, so unfortunately, we had to cut them.  Then yesterday we were walking to church when Elder Godoy walks down the wrong street.  I follow him and we find this guy and his family living on the street again.  We talked to him and he just wasn't all that there and just had no more desire for the church.  He asked us for money, but we can't give money to beggars because they'll just spend it on drugs or they might be faking it.  I just remember seeing him, his wife, and his three little kids sitting under this metal awning thing and I felt so bad for them.  I couldn't stop thinking about this guy all day and wondering if there was anything I could do for him.  In the end all we missionaries can do is invited people to change their life, everyone has their agency here and they can do what they will with it.  I just feel so bad for him, his wife, and his three kids.  They don't deserve to live like that.

So I think I'll end this letter on a lighter note.  We were knocking doors the other day when this dog ran up and tried to bite me.  I was about to end the creature, with fire and brimstone, when his owner came up and the following conversation ensued:

US:    Hey!  Is everything going well?
MAN:    No!  Everything is not well because you're at my door!!!
US:    Oh, we're sorry.
MAN:    No you're not!!!  You just want to bring me to the United States!!!
US:    No we're missionaries for the church.
MAN:    Yeah in America!!!
GODOY:    Um... I'm Brazilian.
MAN:    Yeah and you're working for them!!!
US:    All right, have a good day.
MAN:    WOULD YOU DEFEND THE INDIANS!!!!!!!!
US:    The what?
MAN:    You heard me, the Indians!!!!  WOULD YOU DEFEND THE INDIANS!!!!!!!??????
US:    All right, see ya.


Love ya and have a great week!!!  Abraços,

Elder Johnson

So before any of you go JUDGING ME, you've got to understand it's a bit different down here.  There is no
 controversy whether Coke  is against the Word of Wisdom or if it's not.  Of course it's not!!!  Where does it
say in the Doctrine & Covenants you can't drink Coke.  The Word of Wisdom pamphlet also makes it very
clear that it's only: tobacco, alcohol, illegal drugs, coffee, and black tea (I'm not sure if that's what you call
 it in English, that's just what it's called in Portuguese).  So there you go.

Brazil man...

This is the baptism of Vivaldo this past week.  The YM's President baptized him (he knows English and is hilarious!)
 We should hopefully have another baptism this upcoming week.  (Comment from his Mom: Look how thin Tanner is!!)

I'd like to start off by saying that children's TV down here is down right horrifying!!  Whenever we go over to a member's house for lunch they're always watching it and it's hard to look away.  They really like clowns down here.  They have a show called "Patati Patatá", which is about these two clowns and it's pretty scary and all of the kids here love it.  I thought that was the end of the childhood trauma, but I was sorely mistaken when the other day they had Bozo The Clown.  He in fact looked nothing like Bozo The Clown and appeared more like a serial killer with terrible clown make up.  He was assisted by his oddly shaped friend, Cigarette Steve!  He sounded like an 80-year-old lady who has smoked since she was 12.

Brazil man...

And on another exciting note I almost saw a woman die the other day.  We were at the bus station (the bus is always an adventure down here) and usually whenever a bus arrives everybody storms it and fights to get on.  This lady got too excited and ran out into the road and smacked right into the side of the still moving bus.  There was lots of screaming joined with my companion saying "doideira!" (madness!)

So in actual news this week is that there really isn't a whole lot of news.  I was sick for about three days and I couldn't do a whole lot.  I started to feel sick last Pday and was feeling pain in my abs (Too many sit ups.  Am I right?  #Winning)  I told Elder Godoy and he said that I might have Dengue.  I found that to be rather unfortunate so I called Sister Gonzaga and she had me take some medicine and go visit the hospital.  You don't go to a doctor's office here like in the states.  You go and see the doctor in the hospital.  So I went to the great and abominable hospital, who's founder is the devil and is the harlot of all the earth, and they said I had an "infecção" and lucky for me, not Dengue.  So they gave me about five pounds worth of pills to take (I only needed to take like two pills a day for about a week) and I had to rest for about a day.  Being sick on the mission is the worst.  You can't do anything and the days go by really slow.  I am feeling a lot better now and we had a baptism this Saturday, which was pretty awesome.

As I said I was sick this past week and so Elder Godoy went out and saw some of our investigators with Elder Hurst.
  Two of our investigators asked where I was and he told them I was sick.  They found out where we lived and dropped
 by and gave me this plant!!   Apparently I was suppose to make it into tea or something and it should've helped me
out. Elder Izqueirdo and Elder Godoy said they've never seen this plant like this and that I have  to let it dry
for a week or two before making it into tea or it might kill me.  BRAZIL!!!!!

So the people here always do the same thing whenever they meet me.  They usually assume I'm Brazilian until they either:

A.  Hear my gringo accent, or
B.  Look at my name tag and make a funny face while trying to pronounce my name.

They then look at me and say, "Você não tá Brasileiro?" (You're not Brazilian?)  I then respond no and then they ask me if I am any of the following:

American  (the most common answer)
Spanish
Italian
CHINESE
JAPANESE
and one time they asked me if I was American and if I spoke Chinese.

Brazil man...

Anyways, that's about it for the week.  I'm going to go ride the bus!

Abracaos (hugs),

Tanner

This is a reality here in Brazil.

Brazilian Hospitals Are Crazy

A selfie with Elder Munger for his birthday.

This week I taught John Lennon.  John Lennon is the son of one of our investigators and he has a pretty sick name.

Last Pday we went to the aquarium they have here with about half of our zone.  It was pretty cool.  I hung around Elder Munger (from the MTC) and we got to hold starfish and stuff so that was pretty cool.

STARFISH!!!!

Yes mom to answer your question I have lost weight.  Lots of sweating, walking, sweating, walking.  My calves are beautiful by the way and you don't need to send me new clothes.

So we went to the hospital this week (no, not for me) and that was probably the craziest thing I've seen here.  They don't have rooms for people here; they just have stretcher type beds everywhere.  There were about 100 people packing into the "trauma ward", which was about 60ftX60ft and it was crazy.  There were injured people everywhere and people who weren't doctors were helping them with medical care.  There were preachers walking around passing out advertisements for their churches.  The preachers would also "bless" people too, which consisted of them putting a hand on the head of the injured person and start shaking and rebuking said ailment.  There was vomit on the floor, lots of crying, and I felt like:

A.  A hoard of zombies were going to come barreling in and begin feasting.
B.  I just survived some natural disaster and FEMA had set up a hospital in a dirty school.
C.  That this would be so illegal back home.

My Brazilian companion Elder Godoy thought it was crazy too.  He told me it's not like this in southern Brazil and that they have rooms and legit healthcare down there.  This was by far the most shocking experience I've had while I've been here.  We did run into a member there.  We were just about to leave when a member grabbed us and told us to go talk to her husband.  Her husband was in a motorcycle crash and I didn't recognized him at first because of the wounds on his face.  We prayed with him and then afterward we talked with the bishop about having a ward fast.

So the JW's are stepping their game up and they've been running wild down here.  They talked to one of our investigators and gave her the book "What does the Bible really teach?"  She wasn't too happy with them.  She said they showed up and started condemning every one else's religion and didn't say a lot of nice things.  We had to set some doctrine straight with her and took the book to keep it from damaging our investigator.  When we were talking with her she told us they didn't act very missionary like and said, "They didn't pray!  What kind of missionary doesn't even pray?"

So that's about it for this week until next time!

- Tanner

Really?

I finally decorated my room with posters you sent me.

Behold the Maracajuá.

Behold the inside of the Maracujá.

Behold the juice I made out of the Maracujá.

So this is Acai Na Tigela.  It's a fruit called Acai mashed up and mixed with other fruits
 (it's the fruit in the middle) and it's globbing cold!!  This stuff gets you so amped though.
 Maracujá puts you to sleep, but this stuff gets you pumped.  You're ready to go baptize
 after you eat it.  You don't have to worry about eating it before bed either because
 it gives you energy to sleeping and you globbing sleep hard!!!!